Gender Bias Zindabad !!

Apart from the left and right brained stuff which, supposedly, determines which gender of the species uses which part of the brain, it is also intriguing how this applies throughout our lives, subconsciously at that !!

With due respect to all women ( and men ) I know :

a) Most hackers are men – basically the instinct of breaking that childhood toy and see its working, much akin to a mechano set in reverse
b) Women subscribe more to support groups, parenting online, and blog better ( and more!!) – does this indicate an emotional support or more emotion in display?
c) Men bosses are more interested in what time you would report into office than wanting to know (like the female peers/supervisors/subordinates) if the child u left at home is crying or not
d) Remote control : Now, I read somewhere that the need to control a remote control (albeit remotely controlled himself by the wife/daughter/female presence in the house) rises from the fact that his mind needs to do mindlessly use the buttons while breaking away from the ‘realities’ of the day. Seldom do they even follow whats on TV (apart from the mundane cricket / sporting events)
e) The great Indian thali: Over 95 % of indian males( incl those settled outside the country) would settle for a thali ( or any fixed menu meal) than rack their brains on “whether missal would go well with raitha that would be a disaster with Coke” !!! This is no published survey , but I can see the males nodding ( and the females grinning)
f) Reading to kids: Dads generally leave the tear jerkers (again) to the moms. And settle for any story with a lineage for bravery, truth, action and/or superman, Tinitin.. The ramayan and all its sub stories are better handled by the men
g) Communication: Apart from the good old handwritten notes pre the internet / sms era, seldom has any info from the male kingdom begun with (a) what the neighbours dog did (b) why Poonam Aunty cut her hair (c) Who did Alok run away with ….. u got the drift… It would be surprising to even see their perfunctory greeting of Hi and hello too

Wonder if all this would change in 2009 !! hope not….:) ciao… till 2009 !!

The art of Living and Giving !!

And as yuletide is around the corner with the new year peeping, it’s suddenly the season of giving, cheer and happiness. Like these were absent throughout the year and we all scramble to make up for the lost time??? !!

No. My little one’s first ever official santa party (ok, parties. She attended two - back to back !! ) confirmed this and more. What with Santa seen as the ‘giver’ of presents, cheer and even shadowing the “jumbo” puppet show at school. As a consequence, they start associating Santa with Christmas (minus the snow in India, of course!!). But would they associate Santa with yuletide (or the charm of giving) ? Hopefully so. Else the following story would be so untrue.

Or the memories of tugging along my dad and sis (and sometimes mom) to Bangalore’s famous Annual Nilgiri’s Cake Show. And watching the memoirs come alive in sugar, candy and lots of cake - be it Veerappan, the red Fort. Or the melt-in-mouth plum cakes. With even the ‘Iyengar Bakeries’ giving it a shot with the not-so-soaked raisins. And rum! For an iyengar bakery , it would be nothing less than blasphemy. While the eggs can still be counted as vegetarian. The price of hypocrisy didn’t matter to us as little tots !!

If it weren’t for the spirit of giving, why would the two hotels – Taj and Trident - recently battered by terrorism make a fresh beginning barely 21 days after the terror attack open its doors to all its guests and offer the best service. Money, one might say. Yes. But they needn’t have not billed their guests for the night’s stay on their magnificent comeback on 21st Dec. If this was not giving, what was??

That to me was the Art of Living and the art of Giving

Merry Christmas and here’s hoping the spirit of sharing and giving goes down with you as well . (along with the ‘spirit’ of the year end party !! ha ha !! )

But meanwhile. The story I referred to earlier....

“I put my carry-on in the luggage compartment and sat down in my assigned seat. It was going to be a long flight. 'I'm glad I have a good book to read and perhaps I will get a short nap,' I thought.Just before take-off, a line of soldiers came down the aisle and filled all the vacant seats, totally surrounding me.
I decided to start a conversation. 'Where are you headed?' I asked the soldier seated nearest to me.'Petawawa. We'll be there for two weeks for special training, and then we're being deployed to Afghanistan .
After flying for about an hour, an announcement was made that sack lunches were available for five dollars. It would be several hours before we reached the east, and Iquickly decided a lunch would help pass the time....
As I reached for my wallet, I overheard soldier ask his buddy if he planned to buy lunch. 'No, that seems like a lot of money for just a sack lunch. Probably wouldn't be worth five bucks. I'll wait till we get to base 'His friend agreed.
I looked around at the other soldiers. None were buying lunch. I walked to the back of the plane and handed the flight attendant a fifty dollar bill. 'Take a lunch to all those soldiers.' She grabbed my arms and squeezed tightly. Her eyes wet with tears, she thanked me. 'My son was a soldier in Iraq ; it's almost like you are doing it for him.'Picking up ten sacks, she headed up the aisle to where the soldiers were seated. She stopped at my seat and asked, 'Which do you like best - beef or chicken?''Chicken,' I replied, wondering why she asked. She turned and went to the front of plane, returning a minute later with a dinner plate from first class. 'This is yours with thanks.'After we finished eating, I went again to the back of the plane, heading for the rest room.
A man stopped me. 'I saw what you did. I want to be part of it. Here, take this.' He handed me twenty-five dollars.
Soon after I returned to my seat, I saw the Aircraft Pilot coming down the aisle, looking at the aisle numbers as he walked, I hoped he was not looking for me, but noticed he was looking at the numbers only on my side of the plane. When he got to my row he stopped, smiled, held out his hand, and said, 'I want to shake your hand.'Quickly unfastening my seatbelt I stood and took the Captain's hand. With a booming voice he said, 'I was a soldier and I was a military pilot. Once, someone bought me a lunch. It was an act of kindness I never forgot.'
I was embarrassed when applause was heard from all of the passengers.Later I walked to the front of the plane so I could stretch my legs. A man who was seated about six rows in front of me reached out his hand, wanting to shake mine.
He left another twenty-five dollars in my palm.When we landed I gathered my belongings and started to deplane. Waiting just inside the airplane door was a man who stopped me, put something in my shirt pocket, turned, and walked away without saying a word. Another twenty-five dollars!Upon entering the terminal, I saw the soldiers gathering for their trip to the base. I walked over to them and handed them seventy-five dollars. 'It will take you some time to reach the base. It will be about time for a sandwich. God Bless You.'Ten young men left that flight feeling the love and respect of their fellow travelers.
As I walked briskly to my car, I whispered a prayer for their safe return. These soldiers were giving their all for our country. I could only give them a couple of meals..It seemed so little...A veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to his country for an amount of 'up to and including my life.
'That is Honor, and there are way too many people who no longer understand it”

And thus spake the Mahatma !

"Bombay is beautiful, not for its buildings for most of them hide squalor, poverty and dirt; not for its wealth for most of it is derived from the blood of the masses; but for its world-renowned generosity. Bombay’s charity has covered a multitude of her sins. She has enabled India to keep her promises" —Mahatma Gandhi

Wow ! Now this is somethign new about Mumbai --- interesting to read that the Mahatma also thought this high about mumbai. He is still right about the dirt & grime though !! Was it this dirty even in the Mahatma's times??

Which brings me - an immigrant to this city of last 6 years-to dwell upon what ticks me (on)/(off) about this 'city of dreams' - Vikram Chandra and Sharada Dwivedi notwithstanding !

a) M in Mumbai stands for Maida - one look at the vada pav (ok, the pav of the vada pav), Vibs and all the breads jostling for space both at the supermarkets and local grocers make u, feel, very ‘gastric; apart from the ‘spice’ of the potato filled mixture, nothing else seems to be of nutritional value !! ok, we do have the brown bread et al.. but, isn’t brown bread in india made by adding colouring, and not reducing the gluten content … Having said that, am prepared for the day Jumbo Vada Pav enters the gastronomic dictionary of my little one, and she pays obeisance to rasta food .. Health given a toss out of the window!

b) Next has to be the local – Mumbai’s lifeline – even beats the reliance , BSES, BEST power !! Although runs on the same. Much has been rendered on the ubiquitous mode of transport for all men (and women ) alike – a Dalal street broker from Borivili would share the space( or the lack of it) with a very ‘uppish’ , ‘snootish’, Bandra boy who prefers his branded clothes rather than rasta maal !! And about the ladies' compartment... well, it wouldnt fill this space , what with all the jealous pangs, and uski-sadi-meri-saadi-se-acchi-kaise-hain looks!!

c) Which gets me to ponder on the great north / south divide. Hell ! no. Am not supporting Raj Thackarey or his misgivings on the North India pooulation. Am talking about what Sion, Mahim divide between the auto driven and the more expensive ‘cab’ driven population. Does that mean that South Mumbai is not to be polluted with the fumes of the unassuming autos? Is this divide confined to the vehicles or even to ‘townies’ as they prefer to be called. A resident with a sea facing apartment in Marine Drive is much higher in ‘societal valuation’ than one living in similar sea faced apartment in say ‘ bandra’ , which is in turn higher than one with a sea facign apartment in , say, Gorai? Is the sea different ? Or does the proximity to ‘town’ matter that much? Isnt this a charade or what? ( and by the way, never mind the harbour trainwallahs, or those on the harbour suburbs- they are yet to ‘evolve’ on planet Mumbai !! )

d) And the plastic clips – wow !! Seemingly dangling like butterflies in every hue and colour, these are the 3rd (or 4th) most important paraphernalia of mumbai’s life. Tagged to the highest balcony (that’s a misnomer again), these appear like flags, and once they slip out and reach terra firma , you may be at arms with ur neighbour segregating your undergarments J

Till the next quote by the next Mahatma, ciao !!

Holier than thou ??

Having just read the debut novel “Keep off the grass” by Karan Bajaj, am left wondering what the book was all about : extolling the virtues of being ‘stoned’, or promoting Vipassana or yet another novel by a now ubiquitous ABCD ?? (That for the uninitiated: American Born Confused Desi)

In comparison to many other novels on debut, what this one particularly fails is it leaves the reader as confused as the author (or was that the purpose??)

Novels such as Ravi Subramaniam’s “If God were a banker”, Lavanya Sankaran’s “The Red Carpet” do not exactly titillate you. But they fascinate you not only with the content, but with also the style and the single direction the novel takes you (even if they are a short story collection).

Which brings to mind, " Seven Steps in the Sky" - fascinating novel with a female protagonist !!
I still recall this particular novel for its style and content and although that am unable to locate at any good store( which was again I think, coincidentally , written / translated by a South Indian lady – now if u think that was sheer coincidence, well…that happens!!), am sure I will want to read that again...Afterall, chick lit is a fashionable term only recently!!

Which is why a unglamourous novel may not be , well, a commercial success. But if it is deep rooted enough, it would make up for all the ‘lost’ directions it intends to convey !!

Partly (or wholly if you will) autobiographical, what I could connect more is to the protagonist’s friend Sarkar rather than Samrat who doesn’t seem to know what he wants , even after Vipassana and hippies to boot!!

Benares, and the oddly-in-place meeting with Ruskin Bond are extremely very filmy. More like in film placements, if you choose !!
Perhaps Chetan Bhagat and his clan of the new age Indian writers debut a novel with a film in mind!! And why not, the moolah is good. The PR gets done by the producer, and the poor masses (read us) are the scape goats. !! Ha ha !!

What with brilliant ones from books produced in the past like Godfather and the ilk, these novels (and therefore the movies) are not a blot on the titans produced!!

Am not exactly against people making money, or for that matter writing for one !! But what sets the classes from the masses is the way your (debut) turns out to be. For all the churned out PR and media expose', the heart to a reader is not to make him squirm (leave that to the Amitav Ghoshs please), but make him relate, and appreciate your first one !!

For me. Finally. This one’s a no getter. And then, anyways, one man's food is another man's poison. Even if it is grass, of the 'other' kind !! :)

Life's FAQs :)

One of the many things that I am learning and . yet to learn, is on self assertion. Being assertive without getting emotional.
Which brings me to think about learning about alternate modes of communication, apart from the time honoured verbal / written paths.
Communicate without bias. Should you always be truthful? Does it work in the corporate ladder? Is buttering the boss the only way up? Does lying mean a temporary loss of values> or is it ok ? atleast lying to your little one once in a while on why she should not be eating chocolates? Or why the ‘demon’ would take her away if she doesn’t eat / sleep on time > Are little lies ok in comparison to the bigger ones?
Is it ok that you plan an annual vacation, nay holiday for almost a month, and come back more disillusioned than ever?
Is it true that somebody cannot teach you how to be street smart at 30? Or that if you don’t learn how to, you are lost in the corporate war?
Does your family matter more than the job you hold? Is the value of the money you bring in more than the power of financial freedom that you lose while giving up your job?
Is individualism more important than team – at home or office? Or does ur opinion count everytime?
Is it ok for ur BMI to be a little (read a little more) above than normal and you are still functionally strong and robust? And therefore, is it necessary for every (married) woman on planet earth to fit into Size “medium”.. isn’t large or XL a size too !?? J
Do you necessarily have to forget and forgive every person / incident from your past? Would you rather let the past haunt you for those tender innocent memories than deal with the drudgeries of the past?
Does money really make man? Isnt it true that class needs money, but can money buy class??
Like all other anomalies in life, aren’t relatives in life ‘relative’ too?

Even friends from the past dont seem to re-kindle that 'comrade' feeling anymore... or is it that I reticent to open up mentally? I mean, it was really nice catching up after many many years, but has our careers been traded for 'companionship'?

So:
>>Even if you bungle up a vacation, doesn’t matter. Hasn’t Chetan Bhagat said: At the most you have 2500 weekends in life, do you really have to take life seriously
>>Apart from EMIs , there is nothing else that you need to be paranoid about (unless we have an Indian sub prime growing in our backyard)
>>Its ok to be working mother, and still not spend ‘adequate’ time with ur child on weekends if u don’t feel like doing so.
>>Spouse, kids and parents should not be telling you to do things you are not comfortable
>>Its just about ok if you don’t fit into (Indian size) 36 ; 40 still will do just fine
>>Religion cannot be substituted with tradition the same way devotion with temples!!

So. Get into your jeans. Relax. Watch a mushy movie. Drink(lots of water). Eat nice healthy food. Shop a while. Watch your kid grow one more week old. Help yourself to a nice facial. Massage hubby’s back. Help mom….

Whew !! I just did it again !! pile on !!! :-) but isn’t that the way life goes on ,. For the next 1800 odd weekends in life (and much less if you don’t have a 5 day week !! Chetan I suppose did !! )

Ciao.. and see you soon…ok , ok , before you go, Tagore's immortal poem below " Where the mind is without fear" :

WHERE the mind is without fear and the head is held high
Where knowledge is free
Where the world has not been broken up into fragments
By narrow domestic walls
Where words come out from the depth of truth
Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection
Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way
Into the dreary desert sand of dead habit
Where the mind is led forward by thee
Into ever-widening thought and action
Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake.